The mind makes me tired but my heart keeps me awake some now I’m stuck in this painful embrace

Where I sleep till I hate it and loathe till I break it and there’s not a thing I can do to shake this

My mind is a prison that I can’t escape who’s walls are so thick that it shows my mistakes and the more that I wish it the less it’s true but the only release is considered taboo

My heart is an anchor that keeps me to the ground, while my head soars highly above the ground they always argue and never agree on what I should feel or who I should be

My wishes are broken and my dreams are crushed the only thing I can do is to beg, but never enough I cannot do this no not alone but the person who helped me is long but gone

Alone in my demons who roam and pray through my body a playground of which they do play and I’m slowly but surely loosing my mind to the demons of virtue, peace and sublime

I wish I could leave and start over again the person I was is broken but the world cares little or not at all for the people who’re broken, no not at all

God it’s been forever since I’ve touched this account, it used to be the place I escaped the dark in my heart and I was finally beating it.. And then someone super close to me passed away and once again I didn’t get to say goodbye or go to the funeral and I keep messaging the account like a fucking idiot thinking they’ll reply god I’m so down and back in the dark again

thelabyrinthsystem:

By: Amelia Joubert


Dissociative Identity Disorder, previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder, is a very misunderstood disorder. There is more to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) than just what is seen in movies and books. DID is very complex and can be easily misunderstood. Many people have heard of “multiple personalities” but do not know the causes of it or details about it.

In the vast majority of cases, Dissociative Identity Disorder is caused by severe childhood trauma that is often sexual, but not always. A child basically goes through a trauma that is so bad for them their mind says “this is not happening to me, it is happening to this person”. The child’s mind does not integrate but rather becomes more separate and a new identity, or alter, is created to hold the memory of the trauma so the child doesn’t have to. After an alter is created they live in a world created by the mind known as the inner world.

All alters stay in the inner world unless they are the one that is “out” at the time. When someone is out, or fronting, they have control of the body. Alters can range in age and can be any age, older or younger then the body. Most alters have different names and look different in the inner world. Alters can be a different gender from the body, can have different allergies and some may even need glasses when they are out. It may seem crazy that there can be such big differences, but one must remember the mind wants the person to believe that their trauma did not happen to them.

There are different types of alters. The host is the alter that is out the most and usually has the same name as the body. Many people think of the host as the “real personality”, however all the personalities are real. One way to look at it is: If you have a pizza and cut it into slices there is no one piece of pizza that is more real than any other piece of pizza. This is a simple way to think about alters. Child alters are also known as “littles” and alters that protect the system are called protectors. The “system” is the term used to refer to all the alters. Switching is when one alter takes control of the body. Switching can be caused by several things including a color, a sound and even a smell. These things are called triggers.

Although having alters and a big part of Dissociative Identity Disorder there is more to it. DID is a disorder that comes from trauma and people with it can share many symptoms of someone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. People with DID are more likely have problems with depression that can lead to self-harm and even suicidal behaviors. They may also have bad night terrors and flashbacks as well as issues with anxiety.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is very complicated and can be hard to understand. This article will hopefully make understanding DID easier for the people who read it. Hopefully it will help to break down the wall of stigmas surrounding not just DID, but all mental health conditions. I hope, really hope, that this article will make others view people with mental disorders more human and real. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and I am real, my alters are real and my disorder is real, yet it doesn’t define me.

For those who know me in real life understand that juliette was my protector *was* My trauma also wasn’t child based or sexual it was caused by to many heart shattering things in quick succession Parents splitting Loved one dying Friend committing suicide Friends randomly telling me they don’t want to be friends with me anymore I couldn’t handle all of that bad thoughts and such juliette was created but she wasn’t my only personality I had 3 I had her my protector and also a different variant of me who had amnesia like symptoms and couldn’t recall any of that I bounced between both of those I the true me wasn’t in control until September last year I can’t really account for almost all of march to September I have small parts I can recall but there are huge chunks missing I know that I also haven’t exactly addressed this with most of my friends because for the most part i am ashamed of this part of me As of right now the storm is quiet but there’s always the chance I could snap again if something happens again

Hard to believe that I tried to take my life this time last year (2nd time wasn’t the charm thankfully) and now I’m actually happy and experiencing things and if I had’ve been successful I wouldn’t be with someone who makes me feel treasured and loved

I finally have what I always needed

To be loved